Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Why even have a phone?

So, I haven't heard from any member of my family since May of last year. My mom called me to tell me that her husband was dead, and she didn't know where my little brother was. (Huge long story, but he had taken my brother, she couldn't see him, and didn't bother to find where he was.) He isn't someone that you would mourn the death of. He was truly an asshole in every sense of the word. I heard from my older (but still younger than me) brother around the same time because he needed me to send him the title to my car, which was till in Vegas (I'm in Philly) and he wanted to sell it. The car broke down there months before, so it didn't really do me any good. He said he would send me half the money, so of course I didn't hear from him again. For awhile I was upset about not hearing from anyone, but I know how they are, and if they don't need help with something they are wrapped up in their own lives, which consists of alcohol, drugs, figuring out where to get your next dollar. Job? No, why do that! My birthday came and went, so did Thanksgiving, Mom's b-day, and then Christmas. No word from anyone. It was to the point where I was ok with all of it. I am the one that has always taken care of everyone else, and for once in my life it was nice to only have to worry about my family here. No drama, no calls from jail, noone telling me they need money. It was a relief.

This brings us to yesterday. Jon came to my work, waited outside for about 45 min til I went on break. I went out to the truck, told him he should have left instead of waiting, but he said he has something to tell me. Apparently there was a message on our voice mail from some guy asking if I still lived there and that it was in reference to my mom. My first thought of course is "she's dead". So I get upset, worry, think the worst, panic, and that was just in the first 30 seconds. So after calling the voice mail, hearing that it was my brothers voice, still worrying, I called him back. I am expecting the worst, he tells me, "Mom's here, I thought you might want to talk to her." Huh??? Why?? "She knows my number, she hasn't called me". "Well, she's been living in a box for the last 8 months." Ummm, great, here we go again. So I ask "Where's Andrew?(brother)" "Noone knows". So my mom, who could have and should have gone to court to find out where he was, didn't bother to do it. She did the same thing with me and my other brother when I was about 13. Long story, for another lifetime. So, back to the convo...I say "So she didn't bother to go to court and find out where he is?" "Nope." "OK, well I'm at work and need to get back inside." "Ok, well call here later so you can talk to her." "Ok, love you, bye."

So, now I am torn between calling her back, and saying screw it. It is really nice to not have to worry about anyone else. I have been doing it my whole life. And that part of me is the part that says I should call her. I don't want to hear the crying, the feeling sorry for herself, the poor woe is me crap. Everything that has happened has been brought on by her actions. I have enough stuff to deal with here.

So now I have to decide what the hell to do.